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Living in Limbo
Sometimes I get so caught up in being a mom that I forget that being a wife needs to come first. I forget that our relationship is creating a foundation for our kids, and if that foundation is rocky or cracked then that will begin to manifest in the children’s behavior.
I’ve seen it before—my husband and I having an argument in the other room and suddenly the kids start to get really loud and rowdy. They know something is up—they can sense it! My husband and I look at each other like, “we better hurry up and apologize because these kids have lost their minds!”
Not only does it affect my kids, it affects me too. I don’t like when there are unresolved feelings or problems that never get discussed and settled properly. I call that feeling limbo–A really uncomfortable in-between feeling—not quite happy or satisfied, but not really ticked off, either.
And the thing about limbo—you can stay there for a long time without realizing you’re there. After all, you do have to go on living your life.
Symptoms of limbo:
- Easily angry for no obvious reason
- You get even more mad when your spouse asks why you’re so upset
- You either forget why you’re angry or you never knew in the first place
- And if you let it go for too long—just the sight of your husband will send you over the edge
Guess what, my friend—it’s OK—you’re not alone! It’s just limbo and there’s an easy fix.
You just need to calm down. Don’t you love when someone tells you to calm down?! Me too!! (Note the sarcasm) But it’s true—you need to resolve those old feelings that you accidentally forgot to let out.
Once you vent, you are well on your way to calming down—but it doesn’t happen instantly. Here are some tips I am trying to implement to become a calmer, happier wife.
*Communicate your expectations—clearly!
When both parties know what is expected, then you’ll be on the same page before it’s too late.
For example: If I’m having a really rough day with the kids, it would be better for me to communicate that to my husband before he gets home so he has time to come up with a plan to give me a break. Nobody likes those kinds of surprises.
And on the other side of that—if my husband has to work late one night, I’d like for that to be communicated to me way before 5pm so that I can prepare for that extra time.
Having clear expectations will create an environment that sets everyone up for success instead of being let down because we thought things were going to go a different way.
I promise—you’ll be calmer, and so will your spouse—and your kids, too, for that matter.
*Quit trying to change him.
If you are constantly trying to change your husband—you’re going to be disappointed.
Instead, try to become the person you want him to be—model those traits and qualities to him in your interactions and they will most likely rub off on him.
For example: let’s say that you feel like you need more words of encouragement—well then turn that around and shower him in encouraging words. Let him feel how loving that is. It might take a minute, but it will come back to you, just be patient.
Just a word of warning—being insincere or passive aggressive is not what I’m talking about. I am referring to a genuine display of love–because anything less will probably be noticed right away and have the opposite of your desired effect.
*Learn to shrug off the small annoyances.
I know it’s hard and you’ve heard it a million times. But it will seriously make your life so much better. This is by far the most difficult one for me—I have such a low threshold for being irritated. I really really want to improve here!
*Seek God together.
Pray together and build a wall around your marriage that not even your kids can penetrate. The world is trying so hard to destroy your marriage—don’t let it!
Your best protection is God. Hands down.
I know it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Everyone wins when mom is happy and calm. It sure is a lot of pressure—but these tips are a good place to start.
Did I miss anything, friends? What advice would you have for someone who is living in limbo?